Great wildlife, average job.

Job update: While the boys started at the same level in the company (mid-class, clean cut, fairly hard working gentlemen), their careers have taken different paths. Jim is being groomed for management and a bright future at the gas station, while Sam's performance has landed him dangerously close to the chopping block. Our guess is that Jim gets promoted around the same time Sam gets shit-canned for doing old lady impressions to an old lady.

Regardless, its time for a mid-summer outlook...great/average style.

The Salmon Bake bar: great music, average crowd/venue.

Bears in Denali: great look, average people skills.

Jim Moen: great camping gear, average karma (explanation: on the most recent camping trip, Jim realized he'd lost his raincoat...and was forced to wear an emergency poncho...the same kind he made fun of Sam for wearing. His words: "Karma has kicked my ass.")

Sam Neumann: great blogger, average humility (he's writing this...)

Co-worker Crystal: great customer service, average one-liners.

Co-worker Kenny: great one-liners, average customer service. Terrible customer service.

Virginia Slims: great cigarettes, average sales records.

Eric Vandenhoogen (manager): great manager, average knowledge of anything relating to the retail business.

Foul Play readers: great people, average understanding of what most of these mean.

Reading this is probably not worth your time.

But here you are anyway. Foul Play salutes you and appreciates your commitment after such a long layoff.

Jim has been working on a massive hitch-hiking-related post for a week or two, but has been too busy with his work at the Lynx Creek store to finish it. Don't worry, it'll be up soon. I'm going to start beating him in his sleep a little more each night until he gets it done.

In the meantime, we just took a camping trip to Wonder Lake, which is 85 miles into the park and where this picture of the majestic Mt. McKinley was taken. It, of course, was a good experience. But it made the discrepancies in preparedness between the two of us even more obvious. You see, being a Moen, Jim has every available piece of camping gear known to man, and it of course is all of the highest quality (to the tune of around $32,000). Sam, being a Neumann, has none of it (say...$3.25), and is still trying to convince himself he doesn't need it. 

Picture the following scene:

Jim sleeping soundly on a memory-foam mattress in a climate-controlled portable mansion with scantily clad women bringing him fine wine to drink and grape tomatoes to munch on. All the while, Sam is curled up outside in the freezing rain, shivering and wearing nothing but a pair on gym shorts and a yellow rain poncho.

That may be an exaggeration...but I think it gets the point across.

So the question is: does this make Sam the idiot sidekick for being unprepared? Or is he the action hero for doing all the same things Jim does, just with far less gear?

It's up to you to decide. To be honest...I'm not even sure of the answer.

Lost in a gift shop

Why hello again. This is a picture of some Dall Sheep we saw on a hike up the mountains. Friendly creatures, really. I also have a picture of some grizzlies running a few hundred yards from us, but the image is pretty inconclusive. Hey, you try taking a good picture when you're pissing your pants.

So far, we've pretty much seen all the major animals...so we can check that one off the list. The logical next step is hunting all of them. I'm sharpening my knife.

The real wildlife around here, however, is the old people. I may have mentioned before that the average age of the guests at these resorts is 65. After further research, that figure might be low. Regardless, old-timers say the darndest things, especially when you only catch one piece of the conversation. Hear are a few examples of some things overheard:

Old lady: (On a bus going in to the park) "Lois got lost in the gift shop, so she'll have to catch the next bus..." 

(She said this in all seriousness. The lady actually got lost...in a gift shop.)

Creepy guy: "Can I get a picture of you two in front of the mountain? It's going on my photo blog..."

(Disclaimer: yes, this is a blog and yes, there are photos on it. But I would never admit either to a complete stranger. It's something I'm going to include in my upcoming book, "How to fail at life.")

Sometimes the humor comes not from the old people, but at their expense. This may sound unkind, but it's all in fun. Consider the following passage from our co-worker, Kenny. He actually says all the things that go through my head that I wish I could say.

Setting: end of a hiking trail.

Kenny: "Did yall see the grizzlys?"

Old people: "Where?"

Kenny: "In the park."

Old people: (excited about their sighting) "Yes, we saw a few over on the riverbed!"

Kenny: "Oh, over there? That's nothing special. Everyone's seen those. You need to find your own."

Old people: (Turn and walk away)

Yep, this is life in Alaska.